From a new study in Journal of Personality and Social Psychology:
People underestimated by as much as 50% the likelihood that others would agree to a direct request for help, across a range of requests occurring in both experimental and natural field settings. … Experimentally manipulating a person’s perspective (as help seeker or potential helper) could elicit this underestimation effect. … Help seekers were less willing than potential helpers were to appreciate the social costs of refusing a direct request for help.
We don’t like to ask for help, men especially, because asking threatens our status. Believing that others won’t help lets us "sincerely" avoid asking.
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By Robin Hanson · Hundreds of paid subscribers
This is a blog on why we believe and do what we do, why we pretend otherwise, how we might do better, and what our descendants might do, if they don't all die.
"Ask for help"; very well. See link. It's needed desperately.
I believe I ask for help about as much as the average guy, which means, not nearly as much as my wife would like me to. However, I don't think this has anything to do with my expectations of getting help. I can't think of a situation where I failed to ask for help because I didn't think I'd get it.
Instead, I think there are two main reasons (OK, maybe three):
1. I don't want to impose on someone if the task is something I can figure out for myself. The "helper" probably has more urgent situations to attend.
2. Call it focused determination or call it narcissistic stubbornness, but I like to solve problems for myself, at least to the extent that I feel I've exhausted all reasonable approaches given the context of the problem.
3. I'm shy.